Someone who cares enough to care

Today I am counting my blessings regarding the fact I am usually relatively healthy and mobile and how important this is.  I've known it for a while, but I've really started to feel it for the first time over the past couple of weeks.  This is on account of the fact I had an operation on  my foot almost two weeks ago, which has left me virtually bed-ridden and highly dependent on others.  Here are a few observations/experiences that have focused my mind on the fundamental impact that mobility and independence can have on an individual:

1. Dignity - I've not been able to have a shower which means I've had to have a strip wash at the sink.  Because I've had to do this standing on one leg, it's meant I've had to have someone with me when I do it.  I'm not a self-conscious person but this experience has troubled me as my husband has seen in in my most private and vulnerable state. 
2. Mobility - The impact is two fold
• I've had to keep the weight off my left foot and can only get around with crutches.  This means I can't get around to do the most basic of things so I have to ask/instruct someone else to do these things for me.  Having to ask all the time is tiring and uncomfortable, but I have to for survival.  This makes me very dependent.  Then once I've asked I have to give detailed instructions to someone to do something for me that is usually 2nd nature to me (eg. getting my clothes out ready to wear).  Articulating something that you do automatically is very mentally tiring.  I then started to think "it's not worth the effort" and not get dressed, or tidy up, or wash my hair for example.  This has had an impact on my mood and my confidence.  I've also found my brain has got a bit mushy. There's only so much TV, knitting, doing the same things you can take.  I sought out some brain training on the internet last night, and it felt good!  I've also found I'm really tired - even though I'm doing nothing. It's like my body has gone into sleep mode as I'm not using it much.
• The couple of times I have been out of the house, for an exciting trip out to the supermarket I've used a wheelchair once I got there.  Woah, this was the ultimate in powerlessness.  I was at the mercy of the person who was pushing and where they wanted to stop.  I had to really speak up if I wanted to stop and sometimes they didn't hear in time.  Also, being at a lower level than everyone else meant no one looked at me so human contact was reduced.  But an upside was that I got a new view of the world - saw things at this lower level that I don't usually see (children, animals, stock on lower shelves)
3. Dependence - I guess this is the fundamental driver of the other feelings and experiences I had - As the above things point to, I can so clearly see how vulnerable I am to abuse through my dependence. 

In all the things I described, if I didn't have such kind and positive people around me, I could really be up shit creek without a paddle, and the sad thing is that not everyone who has mobility problems has such great people around them.  You often hear stories about how vulnerable people of all ages end up experiencing terrible abuse and death, or even a less violent but slow decline in mental and physical health.  It just reminds me how important it is to ensure person-centred support is available for all that need it, and that finances for this growing group is prioritised.

I'm also glad my situation is only temporary.  I've had just a little insight into the daily struggle many people experience and how strong (physically and mentally) they must be to do some of the most basic things I usually take for granted.  I'm really going to try hard not to moan about having to walk somewhere in the future or moan that I can't be arsed to exercise.  I can so I will.

Thank you Mum, Joe, Dad, Andrea, Helena, Irene, Rachael, Katie, Tricia, Jack, Ria, Ethan and Ami-Mai for looking after me over the past couple of weeks and beyond.  You really can see the good/selfless side of people in this situation and I am humbled.