I haven't yet finished telling my tales of America, but I will. In the meantime, I'm getting back to the original purpose of this blog, as I have lost track of it recently, at a time when I really need it.
So I'm going to tell you about the good thing that happened yesterday...
I had two really good learning experiences - I went to day 2 of my ILM Leadership & Management course in the day, then in the evening went to the PALS AGM, which was a meeting with other people who are mentoring children who have been adopted. At both events I met inspiring and interesting people, and learnt more about the world, other people's lives and myself. Always good. Much of what I heard was very humbling and profoundly affecting. eg. when you realise, feel and see what small children are subjected by the people who are supposed to be protecting them and then see what impact it has on the rest of their lives. It was bullying we were discussing in this context.
I got the feeling the universe is starting to conspire with me. For example, one option I'm thinking of if I get made redundant, is to set myself up as a management consultant, and this came to the fore on Monday when I went to meet a business advisor at Business Link and we discussed, amongst other things, the importance of networking, and then yesterday, when chatting to the tutor on the ILM course - it turns out she's a management consultant, with lots of experience, enthusiasm and encouragement, and she offered to help me set myself up if that's what I decide! She said it's really important when you're starting out, and people helped her when she did and she's passing it on. Is this what they call serendipity? Or is it a result of what I am starting to put out there, since I reached rock bottom, let all the negativity out, then decided to get pro-active and make the changes I want to. I am putting out lots of stuff at the moment, and maybe it's starting to deliver.
Today, a lovely new friend at work told me I was a philosopher, and I liked this a lot. Not only because she said it in a positive way, but also that she recognises that I am a thinker and that's a good helpful thing. Often, people are quite derogatory about this trait - eg. "you think too much", "too much thinking, not enough action", "pie in the sky", but at the moment, thinking is really helping me come to terms with what is happening in my life at the moment and working things out. I also realised that me being a philosopher is helping my friends.
PS. another good thing is that my wonderful friend Joy brought me a heart shaped blackboard a couple of weeks ago. I chose it in a shop when she insisted on buying me something. I don't know why I chose it really - it looked nice, I thought Joe and I could leave loving/abusive messages for each other. But then I needed a way to keep reminding me of the things I need to focus on to get my work life back on track, and there hanging on the wall was my blackboard, which I wrote a positive affirmation on, and then when I need to tell myself something new, I change it. At the moment it says - "I am the master of my destiny" and "Action leads to satisfaction". Thank you Joy
PPS. In this challenging time, I've really felt blessed by my friends who seem to be coming at me from all angles at the moment, without me even asking. Friends I've not been in touch with for a while have contacted me out of the blue, and said exactly what I needed to hear, lots of different things in different ways, even without me saying I needed all this stuff. I have been surrounded by lovely lunches, satiating soirees, enlightening emails and touching telephone calls. I feel wrapped up in kindness, and it's a very good feeling at the moment. I have really felt weird negative feelings (including lots of anger that I've needed to express/exorcise) I've not had before, and you are all keeping me sane. Maybe I'm just looking for goodness in any little way that I can at the moment, because it seems like it's sapping away. But these are all good signs that I will be alright in the end. Thank you wonderful friends. I hope others fair well too.
So bon!
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