Contentment

I've enjoyed a weekend of contentment - one of very few in my entire life.  I went away to an Overlook-type hotel in Warwickshire for a dirty weekend.  I relaxed (which I find it hard to do) and I didn't beat myself up about having to "make the most of it" (which I normally do).  I enjoyed delicious food without being feeling too guilty (which I often do).  I felt like I was living my life how I want to.  I was in the here and now (which I find hard to do).  This is my life as it is, and I enjoyed it.  This is a great feeling - "gratitude, not attitude".  I need to get the balance of aspiring to be all I can be with being happy with my relatively plentiful lot.  Once out of balance, it can be self-flagellating and immensely self-destructive.

On a lighter note, I took some photos (mainly with Galina in mind as we saw lots of really old things!), ate a delicious homemade chocolate brownie (Joe had a wholeseed muffin) in my new favourite place (Rhubarb Rhubarb in Leamington Spa) and were discounted galore (inspired by Galina, once again) as we got a brilliant early bird offer on the hotel, 2 for 1 entry to Warwick Castle, 2 for 1 at Cafe Rouge, and buy one meal, get another for £1 at Prezzo!  Also spent very nourishing time mouching in Oxfam bookshop where we bought some books (and Donnie Darko for £2.99 on DVD) and in a wonderful old fashioned sweetshop.

 We took in a walk of Warwick castle walls, turrets and towers, but didn't heed enough warning of the sign at the beginning saying it was a one-way tour.  This meant, that once we both started freaking out about the endless, narrow, dark, smelly winding stone staircases up the towers, there was no way back!  We had to go up and down three before we could escape, each with increasing height as our legs got wobblier.  It's odd we've both developed severe vertigo as we've got older.  I had to keep away from the edges as I had this very strong urge to throw myself off.  When we got down I had to go for a fast walk to get the adrenalin out of my legs, which were obviously ready to jump to escape!  I would have been a rubbish soldier defending the battlements.

I love Leamington Spa.  I would like to live there.  We went for a reviving walk around Kenilworth, taking in the bleak grey sky, chilled but warm as we wound through the greens, greys and oranges of the last days of autumn.  I loved the misty darkness this weekend - embroiled with a full moon that I caught glimpses of through the passing light cloud.  This is what life is about - good food, love, art, history, architecture, passion and the great outdoors.